Automotive mechanics — known to most as grease monkeys, lube jockeys, crank twirlers and dipstick wranglers — have got it rough. First off, they have to deal with cynical bloggers editorializing their profession with demeaning nicknames which he or she just made up. Second, they have to deal with your crappy car.
But let’s not start off on such an antagonist foot. We here at Engyne want to help you (and your car) harmonize with its shepherd, the unfortunate and misunderstood mechanic. There are some tips and tricks (having very little to do with cars) that could save both of you some grief the next time your tires are tender.
“No Johnny! Put Down That Impact Gun!!”
Like dentists, whose profession is anecdotally believed to inspire suicide, the mechanic most often sees customers whose cars have cavities, so to speak. Though no reports suggest that Johnny the Shop Tech may have a death wish, there’s an interesting metaphor that the two professions do share. We “know” we’re supposed to get our teeth and our cars checked out by the pros once or twice a year, and we “know” it’s a gamble if we don’t. If you bet and lose in either case, it’s going to cost you. Aside from the cliché of regular maintenance, there are more subtle ways to have a good shop experience…
Lessening Baby Vomit and Winning Your Mechanic’s Favor
Though we’d all probably have the common sense to avoid eating corn on the cob before seeing our dental hygienist, the same courtesy isn’t often extended to mechanics. In fact, the chief complaint heard from many mechanics is not about what’s broken on the car… it’s about how you present the car, and yourself! A short list of the not-so-unbelievable stuff that this writer’s mechanic has found inside of customer’s rides includes condoms, juicy fast food wrappers, tampons, tragically misplaced underwear, obscene customer photographs and a couple of loaded handguns. Cleaning up a bit for your mechanic may seem a bit finicky, right? Why would these greasy, tattooed sons of bitches care about a bit of cat dander and literal spilled milk? Well, in the mind of a mechanic, that ass-scented car is the one he wants to avoid all day, and it may consequently wind up staying overnight before the hood is ever lifted! Take the junk from-out your trunk and you may get your car back quicker.
“But I Thought My Mercedes Had Keyless Locks…”
If you’re wondering why your mechanic would even be looking through your car’s interior, it might be because you have a wheel lock, and forgot to mention it. A wheel lock is simply a lug nut with a pattern on it, requiring a key to remove it in order to prevent theft of your rims. Some owners don’t even know their car has a wheel lock until a frustrated mechanic tells them so in the middle of a job. So if you or someone you love has a wheel lock, find the key and make sure the mechanic doesn’t need to look too far.
Running on Empty – Not as Fun as Jackson Browne Led Us to Believe
Make sure you have at least a quarter of a tank of gas in the car. A good mechanic needs to take your car out for a test drive for your car’s performance and your safety. They’ll charge you to fill it up anyway, and it’s best not to piss off anyone who has access to your undercarriage… which is to say, your car’s undercarriage.
“So… Where Do You Want These Blood Samples?”
If your car has a problem, it’s nice to be somewhat descriptive, but there is a limit to how much you need to tell your mechanic. We’ve heard of a customer recording his car’s hourly issues in several weeks’ worth of logbooks and giving them to the shop mechanic. Doing this may seem like a favor, but to your mechanic it’s probably more like taking two week’s worth of cat shit to a veterinarian. It’s theoretically helpful for diagnosis, but it’s probably not necessary to fix most problems. A mechanic works by recreating the issue in the shop where it can be observed first-hand. Giving the basics is usually fine — “it won’t start” or “it won’t stop” are often almost enough for a good mechanic to go on. You may even want to take a test drive with your mechanic if you’re having difficulty communicating the problem verbally.
…And You Can Engage in Multicultural Exchanges While You Wait!
We’ve discussed some tips on improving your mechanic-driver relations, but how about a really clever one just for you, the prudent shopper?: Consider going to a shop that is off the beaten path a bit. Auto shops that are right in the middle of the best part of town or located on busy streets may be more likely to have higher rates so they can afford that high-visibility real estate. A mechanic who works in a lower-rent area may be able to pass the savings on to you!
